It has been a while since I last wrote. I hope that all of are doing well. Just wanted to let you guys know how things are going. About a month ago we got our new class of Januaries. Before leaving for break I really wanted a couple of Januaries. I remember thinking that six girls was not enough, but then to my dismay I learned that we were not going to be getting any more. I was very heart broken and sad. On top of it all I learned that one of my brother's was getting pulled out of our family core and getting put as an ACA for one of the new January cores. I was devastated. Then I heard the Lord tell me, "He is not your's why are you so sad? He is mine I can do with him as I please. As long as you have fear of people leaving you I will continue to pull and rip them out of your life. I am all you need I will not leave you, I will not forsake you." I learned that my brothers as well were not getting a January. My entire family was going to be a strict August core. With the ratio of two men per woman... I began to wonder how we were going to manage. Moving into one room with six women is to say the least tuff. I don't know how we manage to be honest. There is little privacy and you learn that there is little room for mess. So things have to be kept in there own space in order to things to run smoothly and for the room to stay in order. I remember reading in a book for our World View class a part where Colson (the author) visits Garcia Moreno Prison and he describes the conditions of twelve men in a dark room six beds (metal sheets attached to the walls) taking turns sleeping or lying on the floor. Which was covered with mildew and mold. I remember thinking... thank you Lord for what I have. Next door to us we have an all January core. I was really excited because we have unofficially adopted them. So instead of getting just one or two sisters I have obtained SIX! this made me very happy :))
The Lord has really just been challenging me with seeking him more. I love the Lord a lot. I am very thankful for everything that he has done. I can testify on how great He is on the things he has done in my life as well as those around me. I sometimes wonder why he loves me so much...
I am so dirty and like Ezekiel 16:5 "No one had the slightest interest in you; no one pitied you or cared for you. On the day you were born, you were unwanted, dumped in a field and left to die"
THAT WAS ME. THAT IS ME! However, God had pity on me... he loves me!!! He actually wants something with me. I don't deserve it.
What am I doing though for him? Do i seek after him the way I should? NO. I am lazy I don't want to fast a meal to seek him face, unless it's corporate. There are people dying In Portland, People living in darkness...
The other day someone left us a letter:
"Thank you so much for doing what you do. I am a resident of Oregon and I have lived there my whole life. People in Oregon are living for nothing. They are addicted to week, meth, alcohol, and being superficial. They are lost, confused, and living in darkness, Even though these people are living in darkness; these are my people. I love them. Thank you for being faithful and coming into everyday even when you didn't want to. Thank you for being Christ to the people you call. Thank you for bringing God to Oregon. Please do not grow weary of doing good the fruit will be produced. I can't express my gratitude."
I don't know who left it. As I mentioned in the past I call for the state of Oregon. The percentage of Christians is extremely low. Like two percent of People are Christians. The terrain is tuff and the soil is very hard. I have come to love Portland with all my heart. I call people daily that say it's a waste of my time because they have no youth. Guess what that is NOT wasting my time. People laugh because they do not have active youth groups... That is not funny. It is sad. It stirs up frustration how can you sleep at night knowing that there are so many youth dying on the streets and okay living among sin? Senior pastors telling me that their youth is okay where they are at.. Complacency. I am disgusted. Please help me pray for my event. Pray that the entire state of Oregon can come to know Jesus. that the entire state may bow down and give him praise. Please pray that I may come to know my Savior more and learn more about his heart and mind. I want to look into his eyes when I finally meet him and truly know him. Not by name, not by what I heard, but what he whispered to me in the quite place in the times that we were together and I heard his heartbeat. The times that I lay my head on his chest and he held me.
I don't want this world. This world has nothing for me.
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