Fasting...count it all as lost.

Time flies by... It's been a little over a month since I have last updated you and since that time a couple of things have happened.  Well Let's start where we left off...  Fasting LTE.  Our fasting LTE was an amazing and truly something that has helped me understand that if I skip a meal or two I will not die.  We began fasting Wednesday midnight Thursday morning.. I don't know if that makes sense, either way we broke fast Sunday morning all together.  During that time I remember really just wanting a vision of me sitting on the Lord's lap and desiring to physically feel him holding me and hugging me more than anything else.  I was open to whatever but that is something that I did truly desired.  I took adventure walks and spoke with the Lord only.  Well I forgot to mention that two of those three fasting days were days we could not speak at all.  I do not know how I managed , but I did.  One thing I did pull away from it was I felt like God was asking me if  I were willing to give up my dream.  My dream of living out in the country with my beautiful home.  I had it all planned out in my mind it had the lake off to the side and stretched as far as the eye could see.  "Casa de Steele."  A lovely courtyard with all the upper level rooms having a balcony and it was splendid like a little Mexican villa.  White rock, an art/music studio.  I had it down to a tee.  He asked me "would you be willing to let that go for me?"  I answered yes, but it was more of a ehhhh if you need me too I suppose I could do it for you.  He was not conformed with that and really neither was I.  I remember just kind of fighting the idea and thinking well why can't I have it all.  Then Saturday night in the auditorium they showed us the clip of  the passion where Jesus is being crucified and bleeding everywhere with the David Crowder band in the back singing how he loves us... then I thought to myself  if he was willing to DIE not just give up a dream but actually get off his throne from heaven come down to live among us humans.  Then die!  Die so I would not be separated from God the father anymore, die so I could live with him eternally forever.  Die so that my desire to sit on his lap and him hug me could actually come true! How selfish am I to want to hold on to my dream and want to live a normal life and have the things of this world.  These things will pass, but he will NOT!  I came to the conclusion that I could and I would be more than happy if he would use me for the sake of the kingdom.  Take me to the nations my life is but a breath.  Here today gone tomorrow.  I want to make the most of it and see his kingdom come!  After that epiphany I realized that he wasn't asking me to for sure give up on my dreams and desires it was more like a heart check to see where I was.  To show me hey just be ready at any point to keep that mindset of counting it all as lost.  Just to let you know I did not get the vision of sitting on his lap yet,  I am still waiting but my God is good and knows when he will give it to me.  :)