hello eleven

It has been a while since I last wrote. I hope that all of are doing well.  Just wanted to let you guys know how things are going.  About a month ago we got our new class of Januaries.  Before leaving for break I really wanted a couple of Januaries.  I remember thinking that six girls was not enough, but then to my dismay I learned that we were not going to be getting any more.  I was very heart broken and sad.  On top of it all I learned that one of my brother's was getting pulled out of our family core and getting put as an ACA for one of the new January cores.  I was devastated.  Then I heard the Lord tell me, "He is not your's why are you so sad?  He is mine I can do with him as I please.  As long as you have fear of people leaving you I will continue to pull and rip them out of your life.  I am all you need I will not leave you, I will not forsake you." I learned that my brothers as well were not getting a January.  My entire family was going to be a strict August core.  With the ratio of two men per woman... I began to wonder how we were going to manage.  Moving into one room with six women is to say the least tuff.  I don't know how we manage to be honest.  There is little privacy and you learn that there is little room for mess.  So things have to be kept in there own space in order to things to run smoothly and for the room to stay in order.  I remember reading in a book for our World View class a part where Colson (the author) visits Garcia Moreno Prison and he describes the conditions of twelve men in a dark room six beds (metal sheets attached to the walls)  taking turns sleeping or lying on the floor.  Which was covered with mildew and mold.  I remember thinking... thank you Lord for what I have.  Next door to us we have an all January core.  I was really excited because we have unofficially adopted them.  So instead of getting just one or two sisters I have obtained SIX! this made me very happy :))
  The Lord has really just been challenging me with seeking him more.  I love the Lord a lot.  I am very thankful for everything that he has done.  I can testify on how great He is on the things he has done in my life as well as those around me.  I sometimes wonder why he loves me so much... 
I am so dirty and like Ezekiel 16:5 "No one had the slightest interest in you; no one pitied you or cared for you. On the day you were born, you were unwanted, dumped in a field and left to die"
THAT WAS ME.  THAT IS ME!  However, God had pity on me... he loves me!!! He actually wants something with me.  I don't deserve it.  
What am I doing though for him?  Do i seek after him the way I should?  NO.  I am lazy I don't want to fast a meal to seek him face, unless it's corporate.  There are people dying In Portland, People living in darkness... 
The other day someone left us a letter:
"Thank you so much for doing what you do.  I am a resident of Oregon and I have lived there my whole life.  People in Oregon are living for nothing.  They are addicted to week, meth, alcohol, and being superficial.  They are lost, confused, and living in darkness, Even though these people are living in darkness; these are my people.  I love them.  Thank you for being faithful and coming into everyday even when you didn't want to.  Thank you for being Christ to the people you call.  Thank you for bringing God to Oregon.  Please do not grow weary of doing good the fruit will be produced.  I can't express my gratitude."
I don't know who left it.  As I mentioned in the past I call for the state of Oregon.  The percentage of Christians is extremely low.  Like two percent of People are Christians.  The terrain is tuff and the soil is very hard.  I have come to love Portland with all my heart.  I call people daily that say it's a waste of my time because they have no youth.  Guess what that is NOT wasting my time.  People laugh because they do not have active youth groups... That is not funny.  It is sad.  It stirs up frustration how can you sleep at night knowing that there are so many youth dying on the streets and okay living among sin?  Senior pastors telling me that their youth is okay where they are at..  Complacency.  I am disgusted.   Please help me pray for my event.  Pray that the entire state of Oregon can come to know Jesus.  that the entire state may bow down and give him praise.  Please pray that I may come to know my Savior more and learn more about his heart and mind.  I want to look into his eyes when I finally meet him and truly know him.  Not by name, not by what I heard,  but what he whispered to me in the quite place in the times that we were together and I heard his heartbeat.  The times that I lay my head on his chest and he held me.  
I don't want this world.  This world has nothing for me.  

My King

Currently I am getting ready to go home and be back with my loved ones for two weeks.  Just like Thanksgiving there are a lot of things that are running through my mind.  Will I stumble will I fall into temptation... I am not who  I was just four months ago.  I have changed four months may not seem like a lot but it is enough time to tell that God is moving and working out all the junk in my life and to recognize a lot of things and pray to God that I stay strong in him.  I am not worried about going crazy and doing something that is going to get me locked up, but it is more in a sense that I want to live a consecrated life-set apart completely.  The way I speak, act, dress, think, etc.  I am safe in my bubble while I am here but it's weird being part of the world at times.  You sense deadness and carelessness where ethics like integrity and honor are not a part of peoples daily life's.  Where cheating, scandals, and lies get you places. I don't know honestly last week I was at church and I was listening to the sermon and I knew that my relationship with Christ is such a beautiful and romantic one, but in Matt. ch 7 where it talks about  "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven,"  It's not just knowing God and knowing what he wants in your life, but it is more the intimate relationship that you have with him and it was just fresh revelation to me such beautiful words that are spoken in SofS.  Where the Lord is addressing his love to his people.  It's beautiful  how he loves us.  Growing up all women in one sense or another want the most beautiful love story to be created, however what we fail to realize is that we do have one.  One that is written with the intentions to be lived out with Jesus.  He is the one we should desire and have such closeness with.  Not just fleshly desires, but desires to want to know his heart the way that he knows ours.  The way that we know his thoughts and wants the way he knows ours.  I am lost for words when I think about how we should be lovesick with him and yet we reject him and want nothing to do with him.  He has written me a beautiful love story filled with desires, plans, his accomplishments, and his biography.  Yet, his book is not something I want... why?  He wrote it for me he wants me to read it and live it out, but I am too busy at times chasing other lovers.  It's sad.  This is how I-the church lives out our lives.  It's sad this love story should not be like this... but soon he will come for his bride.  A spotless bride a beautiful bride it is our duty that the bride may not be small in number and that she may be his beloved and he is hers.
Quickly I would like to just give a praise report about what the lord is doing in my life... This happend this past week:
Okay so I would like to just give a praise report!!  I just got off the phone with one of my yp’s that I was calling.  Last Sunday I was doing laundry and I heard the name “Shadbolt” I did not think anything of it and wondered why that name came to mind.  I came to work Monday and I was calling through my list then the name A. Shadbolt came up.  I was like I should give her a call because I felt like I had to pray for her.  So I called her and she did not answer, so I left her a message telling her that I needed to talk to her and pray with her.  Today she finally gave me a call back.  She told me that because of the economy they had decided to not come and were set on that.  However, because of that phone call of me just being obedient and listening to the lord and calling her she knew it was God’s way of saying that they did need to come and that He would provide. They are now on board coming and COMMITTED for sure!  Praise the LAMB glory to my GOD ((: that’s really all I just thought I had to share.


The God we serve is a mighty GOD he will not be limited by men.  Keep pressing in.  See you all soon much love!

R I S E N

I may or may have not mentioned the fact that while being here I am being taught about being a lady  RISEN WOMEN.  Not in a sense that I am small and need a big strong man to take care of me, but more in a sense that...  I recognize who I am in Christ and that I live that out like a woman who is so in love with the Lord that a man must seek after his heart to find hers because I am completely lost in him (the Lord.)  The program over all is a very interesting I can not say that I am not learning anything because I really am.  I  have learned how the lies of the enemy come in and try to make me less that what I should be... or who Christ intended me to be.  After the fasting LTE we had our Mens/Womens LTE.  It was an amazing weekend filled with girl fun.  I learned how to be hospitable and bake/cook some delicious yummies for my guest.  I also learned what it means to be a lifegiving woman.  To be a life giving woman is not just some woman that gives birth but more like a woman that her entire being gives life.  That even when the waves are crashing high and nothing makes sense that I am not running around with my head cut off and crying and acting scandalous.  It means that through the storm I stay calm because I know who I trust in and that during these trials I am praying and interceding for my family and loved ones.  I am at peace because I know where I stand in Christ.  This LTE just taught me so much I enjoyed it.  I learned that I can be a damsel in distress... Friday night we were taken out to the country side and our brothers learned to perceiver.  We had to pretend that we were kidnapped and they had to come rescue us.  We were not harmed but they had to run to save us while being shot at with paintball guns..  Needless to say that they were hit yet continued to run to our rescue... this event was more for the men just to teach them how to perceiver that it did not matter how hard a situation got that he had to fight for the women in his life.  I think the men pulled a lot out of it- just a thought.  I also learned that women can get down and have fun too...  I got to sock wrestle  where basically you put on socks up to your knee and then wrestle with another woman objective: get the sock off the opponent.  Hahahaha it was great.  I know very lady like.. not really but I enjoyed it.  
Welcome to womanhood.

Fasting...count it all as lost.

Time flies by... It's been a little over a month since I have last updated you and since that time a couple of things have happened.  Well Let's start where we left off...  Fasting LTE.  Our fasting LTE was an amazing and truly something that has helped me understand that if I skip a meal or two I will not die.  We began fasting Wednesday midnight Thursday morning.. I don't know if that makes sense, either way we broke fast Sunday morning all together.  During that time I remember really just wanting a vision of me sitting on the Lord's lap and desiring to physically feel him holding me and hugging me more than anything else.  I was open to whatever but that is something that I did truly desired.  I took adventure walks and spoke with the Lord only.  Well I forgot to mention that two of those three fasting days were days we could not speak at all.  I do not know how I managed , but I did.  One thing I did pull away from it was I felt like God was asking me if  I were willing to give up my dream.  My dream of living out in the country with my beautiful home.  I had it all planned out in my mind it had the lake off to the side and stretched as far as the eye could see.  "Casa de Steele."  A lovely courtyard with all the upper level rooms having a balcony and it was splendid like a little Mexican villa.  White rock, an art/music studio.  I had it down to a tee.  He asked me "would you be willing to let that go for me?"  I answered yes, but it was more of a ehhhh if you need me too I suppose I could do it for you.  He was not conformed with that and really neither was I.  I remember just kind of fighting the idea and thinking well why can't I have it all.  Then Saturday night in the auditorium they showed us the clip of  the passion where Jesus is being crucified and bleeding everywhere with the David Crowder band in the back singing how he loves us... then I thought to myself  if he was willing to DIE not just give up a dream but actually get off his throne from heaven come down to live among us humans.  Then die!  Die so I would not be separated from God the father anymore, die so I could live with him eternally forever.  Die so that my desire to sit on his lap and him hug me could actually come true! How selfish am I to want to hold on to my dream and want to live a normal life and have the things of this world.  These things will pass, but he will NOT!  I came to the conclusion that I could and I would be more than happy if he would use me for the sake of the kingdom.  Take me to the nations my life is but a breath.  Here today gone tomorrow.  I want to make the most of it and see his kingdom come!  After that epiphany I realized that he wasn't asking me to for sure give up on my dreams and desires it was more like a heart check to see where I was.  To show me hey just be ready at any point to keep that mindset of counting it all as lost.  Just to let you know I did not get the vision of sitting on his lap yet,  I am still waiting but my God is good and knows when he will give it to me.  :)

Canada

I just came back from our ATF in Hamilton, Canada this past Monday.  It was a thirty something hour trip on a bus with about forty of us on SWAT/SUPPORT.  I am so glad that I was able to participate with the event because the Lord just continues to pour out his love on me is such great ways.  I remember really wanting to be part of the Merchandise team which is basically you just go and sells shirts and stuff at a booth, however I was chosen to be one of the head usher captains.  At first I thought it was lame I was upset because I did not want to do ushering in such a huge arena, however by the end of the event I loved what I did.  I had a group of volunteers that I directed they were fantastic I was on the floor of the Copps Colosseum  basically making sure that nothing was going wrong. Maintaining order I got to have a really neat head set that made me look like a security/CIA person.  I was dressed all in black and people listened to me.  I was nice.  I made sure that the people were not recording and did not have laser pointers.  Also during the bands that played... Newsboys, Jimmy Needham, Unhindered, School of Worship, R Swift, and L G Wise  I got to stand in front of the stage and help keep order.  It was really funny actually simply because of my stature.  Of the other three people that were with me were to of my guy friends both that are really really tall.  An easy 5'9 and 6'0.  Then there is me an easy 5'1 maybe 5'2 on a day when I were shoes with soles... haha but anyway I stood there and did nothing just watched three thousand young people worship the Lord and give him glory through music.  It was amazing I remember that the last worship session that we had  I really felt the presence of the Lord and you knew that the Holy Spirit was moving in that place.  My eyes struggled to stay dry, but at last I could not and I cried.  I cried out of gratitude because of my dad's goodness and faithfulness. I cried because what we do counts.  We are the hands and feet of the bride.  Our generation is so lost, the enemy has them so  trapped with these lies that religion is dead.  That there is no God, how could he exist and allow such iniquity to happen all over the world.. My question is how can you not see the hand of the Lord over everything.  How good he is, how loving, how can you stand and see all the beauty and still question?  Amazing..  I remember finally we were doing a final sweep of the place to make sure that any compassion kids (sponsor pages) were not left behind because they take roughly six months to put together.  I remember passing up and down the arena and seeing so many papers for missions left scattered all over the floor carelessly and I thought  this is so sad.  These people are lost and need to be ministered too, how can you be so wasteful and just began to get upset I remember asking the Lord is it even worth it... We invest so much money into making these pamphlets so that they can just be left there all over the floor..  Then the spirit let me know,  "If one, if only one person get's it, then yes it is."  Then I understood.  It may seem like a waste but if one person picks up the pamphlet fills it out goes on missions and sees what a need there is everywhere, then it was so worth all of it.  Also on the way back we were able to go to Niagara Falls... it was four thirty in the morning and it was simply amazing.  It is weird because before I left I remember thinking to myself how amazing must a real waterfall sound...  I remembered looking up pictures on Google because I thought they were amazing and I thought about the voice of the lord coming like rushing waters.  Then there I am the feeling is very surreal  I can not describe I could not see well but the sound was so beautiful  I honestly could only thank the Lord and his goodness and love.  Praise the King of Kings.  My dad is amazing.  Well on a final note this is the week much waited for our fasting LTE Thursday through Saturday we are going to kill our flesh and built our spirit man.  I am excited to share what the Lord is going to revile  I pray blessings upon the church much love 

L ♥ V E

so I have been reading 1 corinthians ch. 13. during my quiet times It speaks on love, it is a chapter very well known throughout the church and we know  how love it patient, love is kind, it does not boast... so on and so forth however what we fail to realize is prior to speaking about the acts that are love it tells us just how much anything else is meaningless without it.  If i speak with the tongues of man but have not love i am but a resounding gong... so what is love?  Love, love is found in Christ alone.  So when you take out love and insert God it fits perfectly, and if you take out love and insert your name does it match up still...?  Is Caroline patient? is Caroline Kind? Do I not delight in evil, but rejoice in truth?... No Therefore I lack love.  So how is it that we throw around a word with so much meaning on any and everything... ie I love you, I love my car, I love my house...?  We take a word with so much meaning that really is so powerful and mix it with mud, taint what it's true meaning is.  We should really be careful when to use this word and when we think about those that we "love," let us reflect on our actions toward them are we not easily angered toward them... or do we self seek?  I am not perfect and I recognize this and you may think well Caroline do not condemn yourself  it's okay to not be perfect, but here is the great part... verse 11 when perfection comes the imperfect disappears.  WOW  What revelation when perfection comes!! the imperfection disappears!!! So who is perfection? CHRIST is perfection so when CHRIST comes, when Christ comes into my life, my imperfection disappears because it no longer matters that I am imperfect because he now dwells in me he lives within.  Therefore this fleshly Caroline that is self seeking no longer is going on her own strength but it is Christ living in her it is Christ giving her patients, it is Christ giving her kindness toward  others.  No longer am I battling it out on my own, but Christ in me.! Praise the Lamb.  I honestly want to love like nobodies business, my enemies, my family, my king.  My everything.  I want to love the unlovable.  We love because he first loved us.

FREEDOM

This week is a week that we have had the honor in having Sy Rogers join us for fifteen hours of outpouring on topics that the church is very reserved on.  Topics such as pornography, masturbation, and homosexuality.  While this is not something that may seem worth while, I'd like to say that it is something that our youth is facing and that the culture that surrounds us is saying "its okay."  While on the other hand we have a church that is saying, "this is wrong, you are going to burn in hell for such acts, REPENT."  It is a topic of much controversy that can uprise hostility.  Sy is an amazing man of God that speaks truth, but very directly .  To tell you where God has pulled him out of is a story in itself.  However, here is his website I highly recommend that you look him up and check out some of his footage.  http://www.syrogers.com/ This week of FREEDOM is new it is something that we are being the prototype of.  I am very excited.  I have learned a lot while we are only on day two God has revealed a lot to me through these sessions.  One thing that sticks out the most to me is the topic of struggle.  We all have something that we struggle and with, when we accepted Christ as our Lord it was not like taking some pill that would automatically take away all the symptoms of our sickness.  We still have symptoms but we knew that if we continued to seek God our struggle would not overpower us, on the other hand we would have victory!  There is so much that goes on I would never end telling my stories.  For real Let me think what else is worthwhile, OH! God has given me the opportunity to travel to Hamilton, Canada from October 20-27 for the ATF event up there.  I am really excited and praying that it is a blessing :))  So if you would please keep me in your prayers so that God takes and brings us back safely.  This past week was our first bi-weekly fast on Wednesday.  twenty four hours that this temple went without food.  It was very interesting.  I was a little nervous at first but I knew that God is good and he truly gave me the strength to not have hunger I had breakthrough on some things that I was praying about so PRAISE JESUS on that.  Every other Wed.  we will be fasting to build up to our next LTE (life transforming event) in November a three day fast.  Now that I am afraid of.  I really do pray and hope that I don't die... haha I'm sure I wont but nevertheless, I pray.  I really want the Lord to reveal and give me a vision and purpose to work towards and to speak to me.  I am also praying that I can I will experience him in a new way... I can't explain it yet, but by faith when I do, I WILL TELL YOU! Ahhh okay so again.  Thank you so much for your prayers I know that God is listening to them and blessing  me! I pray that he blesses each and everyone of your families in abundance.  Until next time be at peace I am still alive doing well growing in the things of the lord, blessings!